memnus: Dave Davenport and Lovelace with quotes from Alice In Wonderland (We're All Mad Here (Narbonic))
2017-04-24 10:42 pm
Entry tags:

Brush off some of these cobwebs.

So, now that I've salted the earth over at LiveJournal, if I'm going to pretend that I'll start posting over here again I should probably give the rundown of what I've been up to, and just how thoroughly illegal I actually am in Russia. So, in moderately chronological order, my last three to five years...

I ended, or finally allowed to end, a toxic and harmful relationship. I'm not proud, but also not hesitant, to say that I was the one being abusive. I won't dwell on the details of that - if you've heard those details from the other party to that relationship, believe what you've heard. Many of the changes in my life since then have been directly in the service of making sure that I never allow myself to get near that space again.

I've finally put down deep roots in Seattle, and at the end of 2014, I bought a house and moved in. It's a larger space than I strictly need, and I live alone here except for the cats, but I have space to fill with my favorite people, throw parties, or just let a friend hide here and still not be in my way. I have a luxurious, spacious kitchen, a giant garage, and a hot tub on the roof. I also have the hassle of maintaining all of these things, of course; right now there is a hole in the ceiling and the hot tub is out of commission.

Qualcomm closed the Seattle office early in 2016, laid off the team that was based there, and told me to go work from home, with no network or IT support, and oh yeah, they wouldn't support a Linux workstation offsite so I would have to ship that back to San Diego and remote into it. I was skeptical of this choice, and of my own ability to work effectively from my own house full of distractions, but I know better than to make permanent decisions in late winter or spring; after sticking it out for almost six months, I quit in June and gave myself my first real summer vacation in over a decade. It was glorious. In the fall, I joined the Android Security Response and Review team at Google. I hadn't actually done any security work before then, but apparently my Android experience was what mattered and I've done a fine job of coming up to speed on the security parts, because I've now been there six months and people seem to trust me. In any case, the Kirkland-based team trusts me enough to work out of the Seattle office most of the time.

(In an adjacent alternate universe, I ended up at Glowforge, and am almost certainly much more stressed and anxious than I am in this one. The startup life is not for me.)

I've grown comfortably into an independent, saturated, solo-poly lifestyle, and it suits me extraordinarily well. I have five partners of various degrees of intensity, each one of my metamours is a delightful person that I don't get nearly enough social time with, and I still get to spend enough time alone (or with the cats) that I feel centered in my own life. I have lovers of all genders (or lack thereof), of diverse backgrounds. And those relationships have been stable and durable - the newest of them is now eight months in, and deep and intense and enriching. Not that I haven't had my share of heartbreak - at least two breakups stand out for having devoured my attention for weeks - but even those won't let me regret this life I've lucked into and embraced. I have a rich and supportive community around me, and space in my house to throw parties that only begin to give back.

And finally, this year, I ran hard into the question of my own gender. It's not the first time - I've reviewed it periodically over the years - but this time I have the vocabulary and experience and support and self-awareness to express that binary masculinity simply isn't for me, anymore. In February, I started coming out to my closest friends as genderfluid, and nonbinary, and transfem, and was greeted with a resounding, "Yeah that makes sense." I've been expanding that outness, asking more and more people to use "they" and "them" pronouns when referring to me, and at this point I'm out to pretty much anyone that might be using that information. For myself, I've only just started to explore that rabbit hole - once I allow myself to embrace that new thought, I can't let go of it, and whole worlds of options (and anxiety and dysphoria) are open to me. More on this as it develops.

Oh, and my hair is blue and purple now. If I do actually post more on Dreamwidth, I'm definitely going to have to update some icons.
memnus: Zombie on fire, screenshot from Half-Life 2 (I HAZ A FEVR)
2012-09-30 07:46 pm

(no subject)

  1. I was laid low by a stomach flu last week. Spent about twelve hours wishing for death, another twelve terrified of water, and the next twenty-four cringing at the thought of solid food. So, so grateful to [personal profile] quartzpebble for staying home to take me to the doctor. I have no idea where I picked this up, but I don't seem to have passed it along, so yay?
  2. At work I've been writing code way outside of my comfort zone: kernel code that reads and writes directly from the silicon. This is a strange new experience, and kinda terrifying. On the plus side, it's GPL code, so I'll be able to point to it from anywhere and say LOOK I DID THAT.
  3. Qualcomm is changing its name to "Qualcomm Technologies Incorporated". Or maybe it's Qualcomm CDMA Technologies that's changing its name. I've never been clear on all the weird divisions within the company, except that it has something to do with compartmentalizing IP.
  4. I've been going to a Crossfit gym for the last six months, and the difference since then is pretty remarkable. Then again, I'm also starting to wonder if some exercises actually start to hurt less, or if you just stop interpreting those signals as pain.
  5. Lori has two new kittens this week - Ellie, four months old, and Kilo Jack, two months. They're still getting used to the house and to us, and are beyond super adorable. Kilo in particular is half the time a bundle of pouncy energy and half the time just wants to sleep on you.
memnus: Me with my bow at full draw, with quote "Just Dynamic Tension" (Dynamic Tension)
2009-08-18 09:37 pm
Entry tags:

I have decided what my dream job would be.

I seem to get a little stir-crazy doing the same stuff for forty hours each week after week after week. It's fun stuff, absolutely, don't get me wrong. I'm thoroughly enjoying Android wrangling, but apparently I need more. I want real physical activity, I want consistent sunlight and fresh air. This will become much, much more of a problem in a couple months, when I start getting home after dark, and even worse a couple months after that when I'm leaving the office after dark.

I would love to be doing that part-time. Two or three days a week, or that many hours worth, I would do Android integration, porting, makefile ninjaing, and all that stuff. With support from that, I want to get my archery chops back up. Get back to shooting a thousand arrows a week, climb in the name of training, go to the gym for reals, tune myself back up. Convince my employer that it's good publicity to give me classy logowear and pay my travel expenses to tournaments. Oh, and keep my health insurance going at least until I can sign on to the public plan. If it helps, I'd be willing to be featured in a marketing campaign around the deal ... I'm not sure what it takes to be an Official Sponsor Of USA Archery but it sure sounds good.

I would also get back into the archery teaching, because I like teaching fun things and it's a great way to get free range time. It's funny, I have found no age of child - everywhere from eight years old all the way through puberty and high school, even in mixed groups - that does not pay attention to you when you have an easy supply of weapons and demonstrable skills with them. And are happily showing them how to use said weapons.

I don't know how possible any of this is ... implementation details are still fuzzy at best. I'd probably have to shave my beard, or at the very very least trim it even further than mere polite-company levels. Hair in bowstring = PAIN.

memnus: Zombie on fire, screenshot from Half-Life 2 (I HAZ A FEVR)
2009-06-02 10:05 pm


  • ACG today released an updated version of Neocore to the Android market. It is fully certified to run correctly under Cupcake (or rather, I've certified it so) and is otherwise no different from the previous version. I'm sure you care.
  • The chain on my necklace broke yet again, this time in a way I can't just push it back together. Until I find a new chain, I'm going with braided cotton string for a while.
  • With a couple exceptions, I pretty much want to skip over June and make it July. On second thought, no, weekends in June will still be awesome. It's the weekdays I wouldn't mind skipping. Course, that could go for most months.
  • I finally quit my online D&D game. I'd been playing with that group, as people came and went, for almost ten years.
  • I may actually be digging up the motivation to start getting in shape; the problem is then digging up the time. Some of my coworkers are doing midafternoon gym trips, which might actually work.
  • Relatedly, though, it's surprising how much getting home an hour later in the evenings affects my mood (for the worse).
  • I have some thoughts brewing about livejournal, twitter, facebook, coworkers (/managers), and openness. I'm not sure how they're organized yet.
  • Every now and then the universe reminds me just how thankful I should be for what I've been given. It's ... discomforting.
  • I have two dreamwidth invites if anyone wants them. Claimed!
  • If I were still editing FunWiki, I would add "$(IntentionalCommunity) completion run" to BadIdea. But there's also plenty of completion runs there already.

memnus: Ray tracing of three bars passing through a sphere (graphics)
2009-02-17 10:19 am
Entry tags:

My job has actual output:

Last week was hell. Wednesday I was at work until 10:30; Thursday I worked 9 to 5 the long way. This was all for getting a handset, and the demos thereon, to Mobile World Congess (MWC) in Barcelona. And now, I can show you exactly what that project was:

Toshiba TG01 (Engadget, with video)

My UI demo isn't in that video, but the second half (3:24 onward) shows the game the other half of my team developed specifically for this platform. It's called Electopia, and the video nearly does it justice.

memnus: Ray tracing of three bars passing through a sphere (graphics)
2008-11-18 10:42 pm
Entry tags:

Tangible product!

My team actually released something to the Android market today! It's called Neocore and it's a graphics benchmark that uses some of the shiny effects you should can see in games. The entirety of the market so far has been full of stuff that could have been written in flash, and the comments really reflect it (oh god it's only been five hours there are 385 reviews). The comments boil down to two things:

- That looks awesome! (Subcategories: suck it iPhone, this is why I got a G1, why aren't there games that look like this?)
- WTF is the point of this? (Some people don't understand the term 'benchmark')

Rating is sitting at 4.5 starts. This makes a lot of the lamest, geekiest parts of me happy.

memnus: Dragon with pigtails and glasses, saying "No sense... in a way that blows your mind?" (That makes no sense! (O&M))
2008-06-13 06:31 pm
Entry tags:

Occupational hazard

Today I lost six hours of work time because my computer was trying to boot from my monitor.

memnus: Pink cat face jumping out of a toaster, animated (Toast! Animated! (S*P))
2008-04-02 08:26 am

(no subject)

Hee, just kidding. Actually, I got the official offer yesterday, and since Qualcomm is a Serious Business I can only assume that the numbers it contains are for real. Truth be told, I've got no reason not to accept it.

[Poll #1164620]

memnus: Green-eyed person hiding under covers (Hiding in bed (QoW))
2008-04-01 12:38 pm
Entry tags:

... Well, damn.

Qualcomm called me back. Turns out that they were being a bit overenthusiastic in their hiring and they don't have a spot after all. Couple that with having lost touch with Ice Edge, and we're back to square one. I'm really not sure where to go from here. Maybe archery instruction has something to it after all to pay bills; I could also maybe find a coach in San Diego and start practicing full-time. With four years of practice, I might be looking at London 2012...

memnus: Dave Davenport and Lovelace with quotes from Alice In Wonderland (We're All Mad Here (Narbonic))
2007-11-27 07:50 pm
Entry tags:

Somewhere along the line, I forgot that I don't like walking.

There's something about the sky after an evening snowstorm. The clouds linger low, lit from below by city lights and above by a full moon, and somehow it's nothing like the nights I got so used to in Claremont. Maybe it's the cleanness of the air and ground, before the snow has had a chance to get dirty and everything is still white. Maybe it's the mountains so close, rising up against the clouds. Maybe I just feel different this year. Whatever it is, it's about damn time we got some snow.

In honor of my perpetual boredom and neglect of aerobic exercise, I walked down to GameStop to look for a dance pad. Computer gamers take note: a "universal" connector includes Playstation, X-Box, and Wii. Note a distinct lack of USB qua USB - although an X-Box plug is the same pins in different plastic, and Nintendo may well be, no appropriate converter is included in GameStop's store brand pad. Even worse, the store in question doesn't carry anything from Ignition.

They did, however, have Wiis in stock.

No, I didn't get one. I was prepared to spend a certain amount for the reasons listed, but not six times that much. If I get a job next semester, I'll revisit that decision. There's a couple possibilities on the table, two jobs that have about as little to do with each other as penguins and pandas. Disappointingly, they're utterly incompatible.

memnus: Cartoon kitten after being sprayed with water (Angry kitten (QoW))
2007-11-12 09:37 pm

Must be Monday.

I officially work in retail now! Well, at the archery range anyway. I'm the one holding down the register 12-6 on Sundays. All you local folks should come rent bows and stuff from me. :-) (And no, I don't work on commission. Sundays are apparently really slow days all the time. Yesterday there were all of ten people between noon and four, then no one for an hour. Just as we finished closing up the cash register, a crowd of eight piled down the stairs, with half an hour until closing. Never mind that Larry has a bus to catch...

I dropped my bus pass somewhere as I was running around today. Since I checked the lab spaces where I was sitting, that means it either fell out on the bus itself, or as I was walking across campus ... neither of which bodes well for getting the damn thing back. I got it replaced, and if it does turn up after all I can get a refund, but arg. Not making me happy, that. That and trying to build a UI in Matlab (that's right) have made for a tear-your-hair-out day, even though I spent the whole time convinced it was Tuesday. No such luck, apparently.

We're down to four weeks of classes. I have the Matlab UI and related stuff (though the group has left the coding to me), the Fleck model (for which I finally have a face template), and in theory some geometry homework (which will be scheduled exctly backward - written work this weekend, programming over Thanksgiving). No finals, and three assignments and a midterm to grade. That doesn't seem like much, at all.

memnus: A stylized galaxy image, with the quote "Eternity lies ahead of us - and behind. Have you drunk your fill?" (Default)
2007-07-21 04:23 pm

Been quiet lately

Whoa, has it been two weeks since a post (three since an honest one)? Hi, I do still exist. I've been up to various things.

Moving )

Archery )

School and happenings there )

That book thing )

Crack of other sorts )

I imagine I've missed a few things. Oh well.

memnus: A stylized galaxy image, with the quote "Eternity lies ahead of us - and behind. Have you drunk your fill?" (Default)
2007-02-21 10:26 pm
Entry tags:

The alternative definition of productive

Would whoever ran away with all the "theory" parts of my brain please return them? I have a GompGeo assignment due on Tuesday. It'd be nice to be able to start it this weekend.

Also, in lieu of working on anything, I got off my ass and sent out two reumes tonight: Pixar and Rhythm and Hues. (Dreamworks didn't have any obvious Software Engineering internships, and I don't think now's the time to be applying for full-time work.) I may have managed to screw myself re. Pixar, though; Monster has this lovely "feature" that when you submit an application that lets you write a cover letter if you haven't already. If you pick it, it pops open TWO windows; one you can write in, one that has a warning about what information it's ready to send about you. If you pick ok on the latter (the obvious PAY ATTENTION TO ME NOW!! kind of box), it decides you're done writing and sends stuff off.

So I submitted a resume with a blank cover letter. Crap. I also can't resubmit.

memnus: Stepmania "hold" arrows and the phrase "HOLD ME". (Hold me.)
2007-02-17 11:38 am
Entry tags:

Long weekend todo

In roughly this order.

- Image Processing
- Grading
- Graphics (required stuff mostly done, now to do the cool stuff)
- Applications (Pixar internship needs a cover letter; SigGraph student volunteers needs everything)
- Archery (the perma-todo)

memnus: Cartoon kitten after being sprayed with water (Angry kitten (QoW))
2006-09-26 04:28 pm
Entry tags:


So, Pixar will be having a Q&A session and interviews at University of Utah.

Next Tuseday and Wednesday.

For the love of gods, why???

memnus: A stylized galaxy image, with the quote "Eternity lies ahead of us - and behind. Have you drunk your fill?" (Default)
2006-08-03 07:58 am
Entry tags:

On biking to work

Nothing like pulling up to the bike rack, then pulling a half-inch sliver of glass out of my tire. The self-sealing tubes officially have eight hours to do so....