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Now I'm disturbed.
I got a phone book today. This in itself is only a little disturbing, because I am after all a paying telephone service subscriber, even if I've already received one phone book. What's distrubing (besides the many, and massive, ads for bail bonds) is the tag in the corner: "New Guide To Homeland Security: Emergency Preparation Information Inside (See 'H' for Homeland Security)".
I don't think I can do this terrible section justice. First it draws a clumsy analogy between a house fire and a terrorist attack, making out the Department of HomelandParanoia Security to be the corresponding fire department. Then it has several "useful" pieces of advice:
- There may be harmful debris in the air after an attack. This can't hurt you unless it gets inside you. So you should cut out plastic sheets that fit over all your doors and windows, and be ready to duct tape them in place, "if you see debris in the air." No mention as to how to actually get clean air flowing into your house once you've made it airtight.
- You should have a plan of who to call after an attack so your family knows you're ok. Mind you, I don't see this as such a bad plan - but it says EVERYONE should plan to call the SAME PERSON. Never mind that if it's a disaster of any scale, there's going to be a lot of families calling to reach each other. Even if the infrastructure is undamaged, it's not set up for that big a spike in usage.
- A helpful place to write in emergency numbers: Police, fire, physician, hospital, FBI. Ok, the first four make sense... but honestly, FBI???
Well, it's convinced me. Remember folks, there are bad people out there ready to attack YOU with radioactive anthrax bombs. You should all live in a perpetual state of fear.
click
I don't think I can do this terrible section justice. First it draws a clumsy analogy between a house fire and a terrorist attack, making out the Department of Homeland
- There may be harmful debris in the air after an attack. This can't hurt you unless it gets inside you. So you should cut out plastic sheets that fit over all your doors and windows, and be ready to duct tape them in place, "if you see debris in the air." No mention as to how to actually get clean air flowing into your house once you've made it airtight.
- You should have a plan of who to call after an attack so your family knows you're ok. Mind you, I don't see this as such a bad plan - but it says EVERYONE should plan to call the SAME PERSON. Never mind that if it's a disaster of any scale, there's going to be a lot of families calling to reach each other. Even if the infrastructure is undamaged, it's not set up for that big a spike in usage.
- A helpful place to write in emergency numbers: Police, fire, physician, hospital, FBI. Ok, the first four make sense... but honestly, FBI???
Well, it's convinced me. Remember folks, there are bad people out there ready to attack YOU with radioactive anthrax bombs. You should all live in a perpetual state of fear.
click
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Data point: Cursory glance of the most recent phone book where I am now didn't have anything of that sort.
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1) You have already called the FBI, who will, after the attack is over, come to your house, check to make sure everything's okay, tell you it's save to take the plastic off your windows
and interrogate you.2) You are smart enough to take the plastic off your windows once you don't see debris any more
3) You deserve to die slowly of suffocation.