memnus: Pink cat face jumping out of a toaster, animated (Toast! Animated! (S*P))

I haven't often done this. But it's a legitimate idea: air one's intentions, so the expectations become someone else's and more important to live up to. None of these is particularly life-changing, but I think that's a sign I'm close to an ideal life already.

  • Be active. Bike from work at least three times a week; once there's an actual shower in the office, bike to work as well. If the weekends aren't too rainy, bike then too. At least occasionally, pick up something heavy and put it down again.
  • Archery. Did you notice that's among the first things everyone asks if you're still doing? Yeah. Make the answer 'yes'. Get up to Montlake Terrace at least every other week. Figure out an actual way to set up a target in the backyard and use that too. And enter at least one FITA or similar tournament this summer.
  • Play more games. Take at least an hour a week to use that computer taking up space upstairs, and catch up on all the stories that are being told.
  • Be out. Don't go out of the way to protect others' comfort zones. "It's complicated" is a cop-out, all relationships are complicated, and hiding the unconventional ones does no one any favors.
  • Be political. Don't let cynicism turn to despair, and call out bullshit. And done be afraid to release attachment to your own bullshit - pay at least as much attention to your own failings as others'.
  • Make time for chosen family. You've lucked into an arrangement that you could only have dreamed of, so build on that and make it keep working. it will take work, but it will be worth it.
  • And of course, blog more.

Is that too much to ask?



Feb. 1st, 2011 11:32 am
memnus: Green-eyed person hiding under covers (Hiding in bed (QoW))
It turned into the kind of weekend where I dread every email.

My grandmother had either a stroke or a seizure on Friday. My uncles are with her, but the last word was that, besides breathing, she wasn't doing much. Hospice nurses give her "several days to two weeks".

For context, in the last distinct memory I have of her I couldn't have been more than seven. We were visiting her in the assisted-living home she'd recently moved to. It was breakfast, and I poured an unlabeled pitcher of vinegar over my pancakes thinking it was syrup. Sometime when I was in high school, she stopped coming to family Thanksgiving; she barely recognized her own children, let alone the other 70 of us. A few years back she stopped going to church; when the response to a cousin's gift of chocolates was "No thanks, I don't like that stuff," my mother made her peace.

This isn't a particular surprise, or even a terrible tragedy. My grandmother was nearly 90, and stayed happy even as the woman we knew faded. I don't feel that something inevitable can be much of a tragedy, and singularity futurists notwithstanding, no life is infinite. She's comfortable and in good hands; there's nothing more that's fair of me to ask.

So for now, I wait, and will probably have to fly out east sometime in the next few weeks. That waiting, being "on-call", is the worst part, and couldn't have come at a worse time. Work is more or less in the tick of tradeshow season, and I have tickets for a trip to San Diego for the final crunch week before MWC. My bosses are understanding and accommodating, and I can leave my stuff in a state that others can keep going with it, but this is still one of the only times of year when my team has non-negotiable deadlines.

When I knew her, I was not old enough to grok why I should say it, and I can't say it sincerely enough now.

Grandma Martha: Thank you.



memnus: A stylized galaxy image, with the quote "Eternity lies ahead of us - and behind. Have you drunk your fill?" (Default)

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